My Beloved Stuffed Pikachu Sparky
by Teddi 8347
Summary: One year ago, my stuffed companion, Sparky, was lost or taken. This is to help me cope on the anniversary of his disappearance. *edit* This is no longer a yearly thing, though it mostly is. I hope someone will be able to bring him home. Last meal I had with him. Can't eat pizza at Disney without remembering this.
1. Chapter 1

To my Beloved Pikachu.

Do you remember when we met? You were in a bag for the claw machine game. Mom played the game but wasn't able to get you. A nice lady gave you to us just as we were getting ready to leave to go home. I was so happy you came home with me.

I forgot if I named you then, or later. And if I named you before or after Richie and Sparky were introduced in the anime. All I know is that you are Sparky. We, my sister and I, had two other Pikachu's when we had you… I think. That's why we named you, so we can tell which Pikachu we want.

But those Pikachu have long been misplaced. I think we gave them away but I don't remember if this is true. Neither my sister nor our parents remember what happened to them. But you stayed. And you were ours.

You were there thru the good time of my life, though I'll admit; you weren't as important then. I don't know when but I find myself not being able to get thru the day without you by my side. I believe it happened after 9/11 when we weren't sure if Dad was going to leave and never come back.

I remember going to a summer camp in Oregon. My sister never went a she was too frightened with the area. On the last day of camp we went Whale Watching. The whales were farther out… and the only exciting thing that trip was "Pikachu Overboard!" You remember how tight I held you after they fished you out? I never wanted to let you go again. If they didn't turn the boat around, I would have jumped in and swim to you. You know that… right?

I want to say that things got better for us after, but you know they didn't. My parents tried telling us, my sister and I, that we have Autism. It never clicked until middle school. I know now why it never clicked; it hadn't meant anything until the schools said it did.

I'll admit; life got hard. If you weren't there, I think my life would have ended badly for me, for all of us. No matter how hard I threw you or hit you or wish to never have exist; you always came back. When I was afraid to leave the house, you were there to get me out. You always made things better.

You were there when Grandma, Dad's mom, kicked us out on Christmas… or the day after. Either way, you know my sister was never the same with the holiday. You were there when we got the call she died. You were there when the school had to go into lockdown because kids in my lunch period where behaving worse than preschoolers on a sugar high. I wished I had told them that they can do whatever they want, so long as it doesn't affect those around them or their futures, that I was disappointed in them. But I didn't. I haven't like cafeterias and crowds of people since.

I remember camping and traveling with you… a lot. We went on hikes with my sister, and stayed in the car when I couldn't face the world. We slept in tents, and hotels when visiting relatives. You also loved jumping out of my arms at inconvenient times or my lap when we open the car door. We feared this habit of yours would let you go missing one day.

Do you remember the hike Mom had to call the rangers? Bad information leads us to believe the trail was shorter than it was… and it wasn't a beginner's hike. We met two hikers who didn't have a flashlight while we had a very weak one. We weren't prepared to sleep in the open, though they were and had some to spare. We got lost when night fell, but we found a campground and they told us where we were; the campground across our campground. Mom was happy to hear us running to her. She only called the rangers when the last bus came and we weren't on. The rangers were glad to hear we made it back safely, and they tried to help the lost hikers back to their car, and perhaps a campground. Then, in the morning, I found our five fish dead.

Do you remember Anna? The Build-a-Bear dog my sister sort of named after her? The dog she was going to replace our bears at night? Do you remember what happened when we lost her? We tried to report her but my sister became overwhelmed. And we didn't know what to do. No one had sent her back yet… Some barcode return system that turned out to be.

She still sleeps with her bear, though she knows she needs to replace it. She tried sleeping with you and that worked. But then you vanished and now she has to sleep with her old bear.

Oh, Sparky. Why did you have to disappear? We went to Disneyland loads of times so I knew I could handle it alone. Remember? Grandma, Mom's mom, was sick and Mom needed to see her. I didn't want to stay in the hotel room all day and Mom knew we could handle it. I forgot it was Labor Day Weekend.

Do you remember how hot it was? I couldn't focus. I kept walking around, trying to figure out which ride I want to ride. The Matterhorn was down for repairs and Big Thunder Mountain Railroad was closed. I told myself to never return to Disneyland without someone again. Unless I don't want to ride the rides, but then why would I go if not for the rides?

Remember the girl in line to the train? She likes Oswald, Mickey's brother, and I gave her my sister's pin of Oswald. We went on the train and rode it around for a while. Mom said that once she was done visiting her mother, than she will meet us in the park. I wasn't going to leave; I didn't want to walk all the way to the hotel room anyway.

I remember going thru the shops to get out of the heat. I remember crossing the street when I couldn't go thru the shops anymore. I remember sitting on a bench near the clinic and the daycare area, I forget if it was in the shade or not.

Were you with me then? I think you were. I remember putting you next to me while I draw. Time went by and when I loud family came up; I wait patiently for them to leave. I finally had enough, and realize they weren't going to leave, when one of the children grabbed something off the bench. Or maybe she was reaching to the bench, I don't know. All I knew I had to get out of there. But that was when I realized you weren't there.

Did you hear me calling for you? I couldn't ask the family if they had seen you; I was too scared of them. I looked thru the shops, hoping to see you but you weren't there. I saw a cast member and went to ask her for help. I knew she was busy but this was an emergency.

She didn't want to help. I had to leave her. But I didn't know what else to do. I went under the train bridge and cried. Another cast member or a security member helped. At first I told them I lost my companion, and then I realized they would be looking for a person so I had to explain about you being a stuffed animal. They tried to find you but they couldn't.

Mom came. I had to tell her what happened and it took her about an hour to come. Grandma wasn't close to Disneyland. You don't know how bad I felt. How broken I was. I knew if we didn't find you by the end of the day, then you would never be found. I didn't want to believe it. When we were heading home, no one had turned you in.

People scare me. You kept me safe. People still scare me, but you aren't here to keep me calm. I had to find someone else. Whenever we needed you, you were there. So why aren't you here now?

Mom started a Facebook page; "Help Find Sparky" to help find you and to spread the word you are missing. One year later and you still haven't returned. The first couple of months I wished to turn back time to prevent you from leaving.

Then Joule, a Pikachu, came. She was meant for me but my sister had a better reaction than I did. Machu, a spiky-ear Pichu, and Squirt, the baby turtle from Finding Nemo, came into my life as well. They helped me move on. But I still wished for Christmas you would come home. I wished for my birthday you would come home. But you never did.

I had dreams of reuniting with you. One of them involved Pirates of the Caribbean ride, though I admit it was nothing like the ride… at all. Not even close, except water and Pirates but that was it. I dreamt seeing someone holding you and I grabbed you from them and thanked them for taking care of you. I dreamt you had never left. I dreamt of finding you in a donations basket and taking you home. But one dream, my second to last I had of you, I dreamt you were home. I knew it was a dream and I never ever wanted to wake up. The last dream I had, one that happened recently, we were playing and when I grabbed you, you turned into Joule. I cried when I woke up.

You have no idea how hard this last year has been without you, Sparky. Every day I thought of you. Every day I hoped you come home. Every day I wished someone would tell me how you are. Every day I wished Toy Story was real. That way I knew you were trying to come home to me, but had somehow gotten lost.

Or maybe you don't want to come home… that I wonder a lot. That you wanted to escape me, and you don't love me. I'm sorry. I'm sorry I couldn't take better care of you. Even if you hate me, Sparky, I still love you with all my heart and soul.

As hard as this year has been without you; it has been the first time I had started healing with everything that has happen in my life. Maybe you needed to leave so I can start healing. I just hope and pray that whoever has found you, that they are taking care of you and they love you. I hope they could tell me you are happy and safe and they will care for you like you cared for me.

Until I hear the news you are well, I will never stop thinking about you. I will keep on wishing and dreaming about the day you came back to me, to us. When you return, I will tell you everything you missed. I will tell you how much I love you and I will never let you go again, until I'm ready, that is.

With all the love I still have, the wishes I still use and the hugs I can still give; I love you from the bottom, top and all around my heart and soul, and I wish for you to be happy until the end of time.

Because, to me and my sister, you are more than a stuffed animal, more than a friend; you are my brother, our brother, and I know I said this many times before but I, we, love you.

* * *

**Authors Notes;**

**I'll be adding more each year until Sparky returns. So this won't be completed until either this site is no longer functional, Sparky returns or I die... I'm hoping for Sparky returning.**


	2. Chapter 2

**Please no comments as Sparky saying he's coming home. That creates false hope and it insults my love for him.**

* * *

I was going to do this once a year. But I have come to realize this is not a good idea. A year is too long to wait and too much happens. And with all of this emotions I am feeling, I can't wait a year to release them.

This is NOT a letter to Sparky. No, this is a letter to those who, either, have Sparky, might know where he is or otherwise doesn't understand the situation and my feelings and thoughts. And I'm going to say this now; it's not going to be nice.

As you might know from the letter I made before this, Sparky means a lot to me. I am not going to vouch for my sister this time because even she doesn't understand how I feel.

Sparky is my life. He had been there when I became afraid to leave the house, became afraid of crowds and everything in between; including medical emergencies.

I say this because I remember a time, after my first surgery, I woke up screaming "I can't breathe!" over and over, no matter what the nurses say to calm me, I would not stop screaming. The nurses and doctors had to bring in my sister who calmed me down by saying "it's okay, Sparky's here". The drugs knocked me out for another hour and my sister sat next to me the WHOLE time while listening to someone snore. A WHOLE HOUR! I felt safe, because my sister was there and so was my favorite stuffed animal in the entire world; a knight in shining armor, if you will.

Sparky was my safety net, someone I can lean on, and someone took him! Some of the people I spoke to about his disappearance [Stealing!] can't understand what he really means to me. They always say I could use/get another stuffed animal to use as my companion. They can't see something very important; Sparky was like my brother and his disappearance feels more like a kidnapping.

If he was a living person, then people would sing a different tune. They wouldn't say I could replace my brother/son with another person/child, that I could adopt or something. They would say they are sorry and, maybe, keep an eye out for him. Some people still say this, but I don't feel like enough are looking.

And to make matters worse, I still dream of Sparky returning, only for him to change into another Pikachu or disappear completely. Not only that, but I can't go outside on some days because I can SEE him, just out of my reach if only for a moment. But everywhere I look, there he is. Just a ghost of my closest companion created in my mind. This is the closest I'll ever have him, if the person who took him don't bring him back!

I feel like I'm going insane. How else can I explain what's happening. But I can't help it; no one I know understands how I'm feeling therefore no one knows how to stop this.

It doesn't help that my favorite grandmother, the only living grandparent alive, is close to dying. Its times like this I wish Sparky was here; letting me hold him while I cry and reassure me everything would be alright.

To those who have Sparky; I hope you are happy. I hope he brings you joy just as much as he had to me. But know this; the joy he brings you is not without a cost. That cost is the broken heart of a person who NEEDS him, a person who LOVES him with all her heart. A person who wants to believe he is giving others the chance to be happy but will never know until YOU let ME know. And I will NEVER forgive you. Not for all the pain and suffering I have to go through because of this.

To anyone else; next time you see a stuffed animal lying on the floor or looks abandoned, DO NOT THINK, for a moment, that whoever let the stuffed animal has simply abandon it or wouldn't care if they never see them again. You don't know who had the stuffed animal before you. You wouldn't know how loved it was. You wouldn't know if they had only left it by accident.

I can only hope that anyone reading this would understand the importance some objects have on certain individuals and would treat them with respect.

If Sparky is returned to me; I WILL NOT give a reward. We are NOT a wealthy family to pay you back, nor do we have anything of value to trade [even though we had put an offer up]. If you return Sparky, it's out of the goodness of your heart to stop the suffering you have mistakenly put onto me and want to make amends.

I cannot reward the behavior of stealing, or blind ignorance to what has happened. Taking something that isn't yours, no matter what it is, is wrong and ultimately unforgivable if too much time and suffering has happened.

This isn't a victimless crime.

[Also, if you don't buy the beloved family member, try this; imagine living your whole life with your limbs only to lose them suddenly. There may be advancement in technology for realistic limbs, but nothing can replace the limb you grew up with. I hope I haven't insulted anyone with this analogy.]


	3. Chapter 3

Two years… two whole years and no mention of Sparky.

There are people looking… but in two years so many things have happened that he could be anywhere in the world.

The earthquake, the tsunami, the fires that have burned down houses, mudslides, plane disappearances, and the list goes on. And not one mention of Sparky.

I have gotten people saying they understand my pain, or they had lost something important to them but found it and I just have to keep my hope up… it's just, those stories where they lost something and ended up finding it was at their home! I lost Sparky in Disneyland; Main Street, USA! He wasn't at home; therefore I won't find him here no matter how much I wish so!

These past two years have been really hard. There are days I just want to cry my eyes out. And there are times I wanted to hurt whoever took him or has him to let them feel the pain I feel. Then I feel bad for wanting to hurt them and end up crying my eyes out when no one knows.

The worse of it is when I could just _see_ him, standing on a trashcan, on a car, on the sidewalk or in trees, just right out of my reach. I can see his fur being the color it should be when in the shade, through a mildly tinted window, in the rain, you know, like he's _there!_ But he'll vanish in just a second, like a horror movie of a ghost stalking its victim.

Can you imagine loving something with your whole soul, only for it to be ripped out of your life so violently? I'm not talking about a stuffed animal, I'm talking about anything you care the most; like a family member or a car. Can you replace something so special so easily? I know I can't.

I don't want to hear criticism, or someone pretending to be Sparky, or even stories of losing the ones they lost so I know that I'm not alone. I want to hear you looking for him, finding any clues where he is and maybe even another child or adult who loves him with all their heart just as much as I have.

But you have to be those people. Unless you are the one who has him, you don't know for sure if the people who do have him love him. He's old, his fabrics on his cheeks are falling off and his tail had to have been sewed on. Some of the fur has been worn. The white part of his eyes isn't his original eye whites; those where washed off after his adventure in the Pacific Ocean.

In other words; Sparky is blind! He can't see because his eyes were damaged. It took me some years to find something to replace those white spots; whiteout. And that is peeling off!

Look; if you have Sparky, let me see him _and_ you. If you love him as much as I do, I might let you keep him, but **I** have to make that decision! In person! If you know where he is, or know someone who can look, please pass the message on and let me know you are looking.

Let this cycle of hurt end. Please… I'll get my sister to make a pikachu if you do. A crochet one is the most likely candidate because that's what she's into right now.

On another note; should I write the many adventures I had with Sparky?


	4. Chapter 4

Sparky and I were reunited. I was so happy I was willing to go on my laptop and thank everyone who has looked for him. I just took him into my arms and refuse to let go. My mood didn't falter even when Half Dome fell off the cliff in Zion.

It was when I opened my eyes did I realize the truth; it was just a dream. And my heart broke so bad upon realizing this. I guess this happened at the beginning of this month, but it still hurts so much.

Is it normal to dream about a loved one so much, you don't ever want to wake up? That's where I am right now, and I'm not sure if it's good or bad. I just want to sleep so I'd have him in my arms, so we could always be together where it's just us. And he'll be exactly as I remembered him; NOT a poor copy trying to replace him!

And just this month I was explaining about Sparky to one of my neighbors. He asked if I had a stuffed animal to replace him. I understand where he's going with this but Sparky is just as replaceable as your brother, sister, parents or child.

Yes, I have stuffed animals to help fill the void loosing Sparky has left. But I had a lot of stuffed animals _before_ then as well and none of them _can ever_ replace what Sparky means to me. Not even my Winnie the Pooh bear I have for 23 years can sooth the ache in my heart, and that's saying something.

No. Machu, Squirt, Lemon, Pikaboo, Dusty, Pasta, Pink Surprise, Twinkle Stardust and Prism Spectrum as well as the Minnie's Disney offered are okay and I do love and care for them almost as much as Sparky. But they are NOT Sparky.

They haven't been there when the teens at school during lunch caused the whole school to go into lockdown while I was in the middle of it! They weren't there when I couldn't see the Arizona because backpacks weren't allowed [carrying a backpack because a safety net much like Sparky was].

They never fell overboard while whale watching in Oregon, or went camping a few dozen times. They weren't there when all five pet betas' died while camping in Yosemite, AFTER my sister and I got lost on a hiking trail and didn't make it back to our camp until after the buses stopped for the night. They weren't there when our grandmother kicked us out of her house because she didn't want us there while she was out.

They and all of the stuffed animals in the world weren't there when I needed someone the most! And NO ONE can replace that!

As cruel as this is; I don't care if the person who has Sparky is happy with him. He's mine and I never gave him up to someone who would love him as much as I do. I wouldn't have been hurting so much if I did.

The only joy I get is when people tell me they are looking for him. One of the comments has told me they have joined the search, and that makes me smile more than people knowing what pain I'm going through and giving me their support. Prayers and understanding can only do so much, but going out of your way to try to find him… that means the world for me.

Unfortunately Sparky does not have any special markings to identify him. His tail is held by a sparkly yellow thread, though you can't really see that… His eyes are scratched up but not enough to say it's him from other worn pikachu's. The red fabric on his cheeks was coming apart, but I think someone might have taken them off or somehow repaired them.

I'm sorry to those looking for him that I can't say exactly what he looks like. But thank you for looking anyways. And please, don't stop looking for him. It gives me hope you haven't stopped yet.


End file.
